Without a Voice, a novel set in the 1840s, tells the story of Sarah, a young wife leaving domestic violence. She travels across three states with her young daughters as they learn about their own strengths and abilities, and as they discover a new life with family and friends. I encourage you to use some of the thoughts in this book to start or continue conversations concerning domestic violence in our communities.
Who are the people affected by domestic abuse?
We are …
Musicians and Videographers
Teachers and Parents
Writers and Artists
Executives and Reporters
Retail Employees
Accountants and Chefs
Among many other titles …
We are from…
Small towns
Large cities
From Collierville and Byhalia and Chicago and L.A. and Paducah and Jackson
From Texas and Wyoming and Vermont and D.C.
From the middle class, the working class and the wealthy
From universities where we earned our master’s degrees
And from colleges where we got a two-year degree…
And from high schools where we barely got by…
Our families look a lot like yours with…
With kids
Or now empty nesters
With 4 bedrooms and 3.5 baths
With a two-bedroom fixer-upper
In the suburbs
Or downtown
With a garage
Or on the bus route
Or in a biking community…
Our faith shapes us … We are …
Christian, Jews, Muslims…
The person who walks in to worship weekly
The person who hasn’t been in a while
The person you know well
The person who just says hello and walks on
The person you prayed with or prayed for
The person who leads worship
Or teaches a class
Or reads the Scripture
But we face abuse…daily, weekly, whenever our abuser lashes out at us…
We stay because…
We are scared…
We are weary…
We don’t have access to any resources…
We can’t afford a lawyer…
We wonder what you will think of us…
We believe the lies…
We don’t have a place to live…
Our abuser has befriended our family and friends…you like him…
Our church expects me to carry this cross…
My children will have a broken home…
My abuser controls the money and the car and the house…
My abuser knows where I am every minute of every day….
I think it’s my fault…If I was a better person…
You tell me all couples fight…
My abusers apologizes…
I don’t know how to leave…
CAN YOU HEAR US?
Will you believe us?
Will you help us find safe places to tell our stories?
Will you listen without judgement?
Will you locate and support community resources for victims of domestic violence?
Will you keep brochures in your church or your office or your community center?
Will you stand by us as we journey through courts and through applications and relocations, as we journey to safety and healing?
We you tell us we are strong enough and wise enough and courageous enough to do what is necessary to be free from abuse?
Understand that…
….the court process can be lengthy and challenging…
…our abusers are controlling and don’t want to lose control…
…our abusers may lie, even in court…
…our attorneys may not understand domestic abuse…
…judges may not listen at times…
Our abusers may …
Manipulate our children
Steal our resources
Draw out the process so we run out of funds
Manipulate family and friends
Lie about everything
Apologize and beg for forgiveness
Bring gifts and flowers
Claim a need for mercy due to an illness or condition
Blame everyone else for the problem
How can families and friends become more aware of what domestic abuse looks like and what steps can be taken to help a victim leave the abuse? Check local resources to see what may already be available in your community. Find a local support group. Also tap into national resources.
Churches and nonprofit groups—do your part. Post small signs in bathrooms (beside sinks or on the back of stall doors) to let people know that help is available for victims of any type of abuse. Post numbers of local agencies that can provide help or information. If those agencies have small brochures, keep them handy with your other information on grief, depression, etc.
Be a voice to end abuse!